If academic disciplines can induce Stockholm Syndrome, I think I’ve caught it. Or rather, I’ve been completely and utterly brainwashed by my major. The version of me who barely passed middle school math, failed the A-Level P4 exam on the first try, and was terrified just looking at math, probably never saw this coming. Over two years ago, after failing countless multivariable calculus exams, I seriously considered going to a college in Canada to study music, and then transferring to Berklee College in Boston via their bridge program. I consulted friends and teachers, and prepared myself for an honest conversation with my family. Ultimately, my dad shut it down with some harsh words. I figured, since I was stubbornly refusing to accept defeat until hitting rock bottom, I might as well go all out and fail a few more courses to make myself—and him—completely despair. Who told me not to make the most important choice of my life? And that brings us to today.

I have had the Alienware 18 Area-51 for a month now, and I have used it for all sorts of tasks. Standing at this point in early November 2025, this article aims to discuss two things from a technical perspective. First: How will graphics processing technology continue to evolve? Second: Compared to traditional desktop tower PCs, who exactly is the target audience for PCs in the form of heavy gaming laptops?

A week before catching up on Evangelion, I also happened to finish reading Haruki Murakami’s novel Norwegian Wood. Why I suddenly started reading literature on a whim is a story for another time. But more than that, I am surprised I actually managed to watch Eva from beginning to end. In Norwegian Wood, Watanabe tries to understand Naoko, dedicating effort and emotion to her, yet still fails to change anything. In Eva, Shinji desperately longs to be accepted by others, but when given the chance to eliminate the A.T. Field (the wall of the heart) and put an end to everything causing him pain, he refuses. Asuka also reminds me of someone from my past. What that friend did back then was as irredeemable as what I did, and I prefer not to bring it up again. But that didn’t stop me from finally understanding the reasons behind it when Eva triggered those memories five or six years later.

My equipment has been upgraded a few times, and I’ve purchased quite a few plugins, but they’ve mostly been sitting idle gathering dust. It happened to be a weekend break, giving me some free time to go back to my computer and make some music. Over the past few days, I opened up my long-dusted Ableton and started writing two small demos. Although I haven’t finished them and feel like I just gave up halfway.

Music is Math. —— Boards of Canada